Παρασκευή, 17 Φεβρουαρίου 2012

There and back again.

Δεν εχω γραψει σε αυτο το blog για κατι παραπανω απο εναν χρονο. Αν και για καποιο λογο νιωθω την αναγκη να απολογηθω, δεν θα το κανω. Δεν υποσχεθηκα τιποτα ξεκινωντας αυτο το blog  και ετσι δεν αθετησα και τιποτα, αλλα δεν απολογουμαι, κυριως γιατι αυτο το blog γραφεται παραπανω για εμενα, παρα για εσας. Η δικη σας αναγνωση και συμμετοχη ειναι ευπροσδεκτη αλλα νομιζω οτι ολοι ξερουμε πως απο τη στιγμη που το blog ειναι προσωπικες σκεψεις και αποψεις, εξυπηρετει σκοπους δικους μου κυριως, και ελπιζω να περναει και κατι προς τα εξω.

Α, και κατι ακομα, απο εδω και περα θα γραφω στα Αγγλικα. Deal with it.

I'd love to have an amazing and astounding comeback, to compensate for a year's absence but in lack of one, I will simply put in "paper" my thoughts, mostly to put them in order for my own benefit, and hopefully as i type everything down, there will be something jumping out of the page, if not, bear with me, after all I've been gone for quite a while.

It is strange how we find ourselves around the age of 20-21 thinking that we've got everything figured out and that we need nobody's input or at least piece of advice, we've planned a life and we know how it's gonna turn up. I can't decide if it is our expectation that everything will work according to plan or if it is life as it is, but in the end we always find ourselves going down a completely different path than the one we imagined we'd take when we set off for this journey. Surely the newly found path can take us to the same destination, but you know as well as I do that when something goes off from the course we've predetermined for it, then either the result or the journey itself are not exactly the ones we'd imagined they would be. And please pay attention, I'm not saying it's better or worse, no, not at all, I am saying it is different.

So I found myself taking a completely different path, from what I had planned, and note here, the plans I made for myself were conceived rather early in my life, I must have been around 16years of age, when I decided I'd be a chef. I dropped any ideas of going to economic school, and focused everything I could muster into getting to a college that would eventually lead me into a career worthy of my efforts as a cook. And I manged to get into the college, top of my year actually. About a year later and after some bumps on the road I realised that the college was not the one I should have picked and I was rather going down the path to become and accountant rather than a cook. So I dropped out  and with family help I started off at a new college, one for cooks this time! I finished the aforementioned college in the appropriate time and now I can proudly present myself as a cook with a diploma to prove it. And then I found myself lacking the courage and the willpower to proceed with my life, especially my professional life. I wouldn't go out to find a job, I couldn't bother myself into starting off my life as it should be after owning a diploma, and having the professional skills that were enough to put me out there and give me a start as a professional cook.

To this day, which frankly isn't that far away since I got my diploma - and as I type these words I realise that it in fact is exactly one year,  364 days to be precise since the day I got it - I have not fully understood why I couldn't go on with my life, but I'm working on it, with a great deal of help. Then again, very recently I found myself thinking, again not on my own, what is one's goal in life. The final, the top the undeniably ultimate goal in one's life. What is it? For the answer to that I will quote the simple genius of John Lennon. "They asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I told them I wanted to be happy. They told me I did not understand the question. I told them they did not understand life." And indeed that is the only true answer I can give to the question. I want to be happy.

Considering parts of my personality I only recently found and discovered, and have yet to accept them at their full capacity and meaning, and as hopelessly romantic and poetic as it may seem, the act of typing these words, and transforming thoughts into sentences, helps me a great deal with the decision that is before me. That decision has tortured me for quite sometime now, and my inability to take act and make decisions has baffled me furthermore, but finally I found a way, a mechanism to grab me by the hand and guide me through what I see as endless possibilities opening up right in front of me after the decision has been made. As said before, the mechanism is this thought to sentence transformation. The actual decision I will not post here, but it has been made. I've never been certain of almost any decision in my life, and the let me assure you the feeling I get from this realisation is not good. But with all my insecurities, doubts and fears, not left behind me, but accompanying me in the path ahead of me, this time I am fairly certain that the choice I made is what I need.

I am not going to treat this moment as something special in my lifetime, as a breakthrough or something unique. I will treat this moment with the respect and the attention anything new in life deserves and requires. It is not a new chapter in my life, it is the natural follow up of what I need to do, with my mind always set on the final achievement of my life. To be happy.

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